Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
