Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I puked a lego.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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