I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
