Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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