I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
