I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
