I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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