I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
