yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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