Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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