Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
