On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
