oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
