apparently the secret to your success is patron
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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