Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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