Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
