he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
