i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
