last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
