Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
