how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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