were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
