The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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