Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
