Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
