He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize