i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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