wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
