did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you made out with another girl for some wings
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
