3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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