whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
