Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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