so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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