How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
