I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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