Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
