my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize