We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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