i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
