I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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