i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
