you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
