..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
