you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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