pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
