Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
