My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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