I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
