i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
