Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
