just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
