My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
