So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
