Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this just has baby written all over it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize