and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
