maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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