Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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