Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
