my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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