We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize