I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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