you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
