the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
