Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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