It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
