grandma shit on top of the toilet
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
