I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
