While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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