i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
