The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
