I'm drive I can fine osifer
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
