Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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