please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
did i just pee glitter
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
